The Oscars 2013

Follow Sarah on Twitter: @sarallin

The Oscars, or as they were known this year, The 10^th Anniversary of Chicago, are a total bore to watch, but one of the best nights of the year for fashion. It’s basically the prom of Hollywood. Who brought who as a date, who dressed like a total skank, who’s knocked up, and who spiked the punch. With that, here are my picks for best and worst dressed.

Best Dressed

Charlize Theron

I love the minimalism of this dress, and appreciate that she didn’t feel the need to compensate with extra accessories. There is going to be a whole crop of girls who think Charlize looks so great tonight, that they’ll go out and get that haircut. And 100% of those girls will later go home crying because they don’t look as good as Charlize.

Also, what do you bet Miley Cyrus thinks she looks just like Charlize Theron with her haircut?

Naomi Watts

What makes this dress so great is the fact that this dress could have gone so wrong. Naomi wears this Armani Privé so well, while another actress who could end up looking like a robot.

Jessica Chastain

Having your dress and your hair be the same colour would look awful on anyone else, but is amazing on Jessica Chastain. I love the beading too.

Sally Field

Everyone always talks about how Helen Mirren is a hot old lady, and poor Sally Field gets overlooked. Seriously people, this woman is 66, and looks like a total babe. Most “age-appropriate” dresses seem to fade into the background, but this Valentino dress doesn’t at all.

Kerry Washington

The formal nature of the Oscars can lead to dresses getting boring, but Kerry Washington’s dress is just so fun. She’s been consistently one of the best dressed all award season.

Ben Affleck and George Clooney’s Beards.

I’m just saying, if you can talk about how great someone’s body looks in a dress, you should be able to talk about how great someone’s face looks in a beard.

Worst Dressed

Brandi Glanville

Just because you want Eddie Cibrian to regret ever leaving you for LeAnn Rimes, doesn’t mean you have to show your areolas on the red carpet.

Anne Hathaway

I know people say fashion works in a 20-year cycle, but I am not prepared for the mid-90s look Anne is wearing to come back any time soon. Also, nipples.

Halle Berry

Please refer to my best-dressed section about actresses looking like robots.

[Insert Adjective Here] Dressed: The Grammys

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There really is no 'Best Dressed' at the Grammys, only ridiculous and slightly less ridiculous. So with that, here are my awards for the best and the rest:

Best Dressed Award: Rihanna. Yeah it’s see through, but if I looked like her, all my outfits would be too. Plus, no one has looked that good in a red Alaia since Cher Horowitz.

We Get It, You’re in Good Shape Award: J.Lo and her leg. This woman will be 80 and still dressing like a 20 year old.

Jessica Simpson Never-Ending Pregnancy Award: Amber Rose. How has she not had that baby yet? I’m surprised she didn’t go into labour mid-show.

Accessory of the Night: Frank Ocean’s finger bandage. On a side note, was Chris Brown’s all white ensemble some sort of PR move? Does he think people will see him as innocent?

Glinda the Good Witch Award: Kimbra. Also, I’m pretty sure Kimbra’s head weighs more than her entire body, because I think she could topple over at any second.

Jurassic Park Award: Florence-asaurus Welch in custom Givenchy.

*Sigh* is it the Oscars yet?

Images via The Hollywood Reporter

Golden Globes Best/Worst

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Here’s my Golden Globe fashion recap, and first Haus of Hybrid contribution (!!!). Because I’m totally qualified to write these things while sitting at home in sweatpants, baggy sweater, and a topbun.

Best Dressed

Rosario Dawson

The look on her face sums up how I feel about this dress.

Lucy Liu

Love it or hate it, at least Lucy Liu takes risks. Her Emmys skanky disco ball dress didn’t quite hit the mark, but this dress sure did.

Kerry Washington

Kerry Washington looks so good, I may have to start watching Scandal.

Jessica Alba

Is it just me, or does she just get better and better looking?

Amy Poehler

 I don’t know if it was her dress, or just how funny they were, but Amy and Tina looked great, with Amy’s red dress being the best of the bunch. Side note, I want Tina Fey’s hair.

The So Close Award

Jessica Chastain

Could someone please get Jessica Chastain a tailor? Someone’s boobs should never be best described as “baggy”.

Worst Dressed

Giuliana Rancic

This dress looks like a low-rent Beyonce at the 2011 Met Gala.

Julianne Hough

 Miley Cyrus goes to prom. Also, why are you even invited to this award show?

Halle Berry

 This dress reminds me of that terrible early 2000s trend of faux newspaper print clothes.

Debra Messing

 Speaking of things that were popular in the early 2000s… here’s Debra Messing.

Lena Dunham

 Is this dress made out of neoprene?

Odds and ends:

To Sarah Hyland, do your boobs hurt in that dress?

To Christoph Waltz, when did you get so attractive? Please keep wearing those glasses.

And finally to Bill Murray, your facial hair confuses and amazes me. Never stop being you.

Images via THR, The Cut, Vulture